How are my son's against me if they witnessed the abuse?

How are my son's against me if they witnessed the abuse? I'll tell you how, I always hid the abuse from them throughout the years, when they were a lot younger they'd see me cry, but I'd always say I just wasn't feeling well. I didn't want them resenting their father. I knew I wasn't going anywhere and I'd just put up with it over and over again, so I'd keep it to myself from everyone. At this point they thought it was normal to see their dad talk to me without respect, but I was so young and ignorant to realize the damage I was causing on them. The damage that they can grow up to be the same way as their father or accept the abuse as I was. When they were young they witnessed the verbal, mental and emotional abuse. As they got older they witnessed the physical and financial abuse as well as the previous abuse I mentioned. Unfortunately they saw the "crazy" side of me, the reactive abuse, after enduring so much abuse after all these years. Their father was able to manipulate the situation and justify his actions towards me. "I talk to her like this cause she's fucken stupid" "I beat her ass cause she's acting fucken crazy, look at her!" "She needs to be sedated, that's the only way she'll keep her family." "Don't you guys think she should be in a mental hospital with the way she acts towards me?" and a lot more I can give detailed events about, but need approval before spilling the beans... Even if I tried to explain my actions towards him the kids didn't know any better. My daughter was 5 -8 years old at the time when she started paying attention to all the abuse and around the age of 8 she started pointing out to me how it wasn't normal that her father would get upset at the most littlest things and wouldn't allow me to do certain things with them alone such as hiking for example. It's then when I realized, "what I am I doing to my kids?!" I tried getting them into therapy, they refused, I tried explaining everything their father has done to me and why act and am the way I am. They refused to listen. It's then when I knew I had lost them, but I wasn't going to give up that easy. It's been hard these last past 3 years, but I refuse to give up. just cause the system can't do much due to their age, I will continue showing them on social media that I will never give up on them. I'm sure one day, with the help of God, they will come to their senses.