I was also alienated

I was alienated from my family for so many years, I was so young and ignorant so I went along with my abuser and refused to talk to family. I believed everything he'd say about them. All negative talk on how they're not truly my family, I should be focused on my new family and if my family really wanted me around and loved me then they should've accepted him into into the family and allowed us to be together. My mom until this day struggles to give me true meaningful hugs without crying. I spent about 12 years without talking to any family just for going along with his negativity and manipulation. I then started to realize the pattern to his madness. The isolation of moving out of state, the disrespect he had towards myself and his own family as well. I started talking to myself and said "Cindy, this isn't like you, to hold grudges and have so much hate." I started reaching out to family behind his back just to see how they'd respond and treat me. I felt so loved and wanted, I missed my family so much and mostly my strong mother. I'm so sorry for the pain I caused.